IVF #3, Day 3

Today is Day 3 of IVF #3. I think it sounds kinda catchy :) I had my baseline yesterday. Slept like a DREAM the night before - which is odd - usually I toss and turn and totally stress out. It could be the lupron...

My Dad also had an appointment with a neuro-surgeon. Last week when I posted that a lot was going on, he didn't want anyone to know. So, since some of my IRL peeps have my blog, I had to respect his privacy. Long story short - he has a tumor on his spine but they think it is NOT cancer and just a fibrous tumor. He'll have surgery a week from today and a 3 month recovery period. We felt so much better after seeing the neuro-surgeon! It is still extremely serious, but we were so relieved to hear the Doc say that it probably isn't the big c.

I continue to LOVE LOVE LOVE my new RE. Even the receptionist is just the sweetest! Its so different there than the last place. They even warm the lube on the dildo for you! Now ladies - THAT IS SERVICE!!! hahaha. It was nice though, much better than the shock of the cold it normally is.

Drum roll please....

I had 27 antral follicles. Yes ma'am - I said 27!!!! That's right - 15 and 12.

Oh - and on my CD1 post - I said my beta would be 2/18 - I can't count. I think it will be 2/21 if ER is on 2/8.

Not to continue to compare my REs or my cycles - but my first IVF - I had 8 antral follicles. Needless to say, I wanted to hug my nurse!!!

Here's to many more positive days in the weeks to come!

CD 1 is Here!

Let the shooting up begin!

Is it masochistic to be excited about giving myself some shots?

This is my protocol:
Day 1 - Lupron .2cc
Day 2 - 5 - Lupron .2cc, Gonal F 300IU AM, Gonal F 225IU PM (day 5 reduce Lupron to 0.05cc)
Day 6 - Lupron .05 ccand Gonal F AM, ultrasound, BW, Gonal F dosage may change in the PM
Day 7 - 12 ultrasound, BW, Lupron, Gonal F AM and PM
Day 13 - retrieval
Day 16 - 19 - transfer
February 18th - POSITIVE BETA that will last 40 weeks!

Let's see if my optimism and positive attitude last. I hope it does.

"May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."
- St. Theresa

Its been one of those days. It started out pretty good - talked to my mom real quick, jumped on a conference call, then took my time getting started "really" working. Took a shower, had some lunch, invited my neighbor to Bunco next week, received my deliveries from NIKE, found out my best friend is pregnant - after trying for about a year. Yes, I am still envious of her, but, I *patiently* continue my stay God's waiting room, waiting for my number to be called. Then, something else happened. Something that makes me (dare I say it) try to barter with God to please let everything be ok. Out of respect for my family's wish, I will not say what is *wrong* - although we aren't really sure if anything is yet. So, if you know me IRL or virtually, and you have the capacity to add me to yet another one of your prayer lists, please just ask God to bless my family with good health. And if you only have room on your list to pray for me once, I'd prefer you to add the good health item instead of this IVF actually working.

On a more fun note, I had my first tennis team practice tonight. It was fun - and a very nice release from today. I wasn't the best or worst player out there - which was really nice. I got a few good shots in, too :)

Today is day 28 of my cycle...last month I had a 31 day cycle and the month before was 35. Maybe I'll start soon and can start shooting up! One thing I haven't mentioned...is that this month I had a positive ovulation test for 5 days. What the hell? Has anyone else ever had that? Do you know what it means? My nurse told me that she wanted to take note of it, but that it wouldn't effect my protocol. (BTW - should that be effect or affect? I never caught on to that rule in Language Arts...). I watched some videos online of girls doing PIO shots themselves, and must I say that I think I will totally boost my ego if I do that to myself!!! "What huge balls you have, self!!" Hahahahaha.

I have been a little out of touch this week - was in training Monday and Tuesday so wasn't online much (does that imply that I blog at work??) and have been reading but not really commenting or posting. That being said, I want to send some prayers to my fellow "Cycle Sistas" (lukcy girls - yall have a head start on me!) Brenda and Shelby. Also, please give Shelby some love, as she says goodbye to her awesome furry friend.

Show and Tell

If you are new to Show and Tell, go see the Stirrup Queen herself for instructions.

We are quickly approaching IVF #3 and picked up my drugs on Saturday.

Cost to me: $129.74

Cost to Insurance: probably a few thousand

What these drugs are worth to me if this IVF Works: PRICELESS!!!!!!

Here is to hoping that the 3rd time really is a charm.

On a side note, totally unrelated to Show and Tell - I needed a little retail therapy and some sinus medicine, so I headed to Target tonight. On my way home, this song came on the radio by Eric Church called 2 Pink Lines. The gist of the song is that these 2 18 year old kids are scared the chic is pregnant. They eventually find out she isn't and they are so relieved. I don't like to be that bitter bitch, but, are you fucking kidding me? This idiot actually convinced a girl to marry him on 1/8/08. I wonder if he'll ever have to regret this stupid song and embark on an infertility journey of his own. Jack ass.

IVF #3 is officially underway

First, I want to ask you to please go give Erin some much needed support. She got a negative beta today on her 5th IVF. She is a wonderful person who is having a hard time right now.

Today I had my appointment to discuss my IVF #3 protocol. It went really well. We did the trial transfer and then I spent about 20 minutes or so with my nurse going over the timing of everything. According to my severe TYPE A planning, I should be starting this shebang on or around January 25th with retrieval somewhere between February 5th - 8th. I think the protocol we are using is called a Flare Protocol. No BCPs for me - THANK GOODNESS - they gave me such bad heartburn last time. One day 1 I will begin Lupron and an antibiotic. On day 2, I'll add 2 injections of Gonal-F. This will continue until Day 6 when I have my first ultrasound. Antibiotic stops after day 7. They will adjust my meds after the Day 6 ultrasound if needed. Then, we'll plan for a day 13 retrieval, day 16 transfer and day 18 cryo-preservation. Sounds pretty perfect, huh? One can hope....

I really like my new clinic. On my protocol sheet, they even tell us the last time we can "do it". That's pretty funny - who wants to have sex when you are in the middle of an IVF cycle? Maybe it's just me....but that made me laugh.

Sweet Rita, my nurse, was very patient with all of my questions. We discussed the fact that I'll do Pogesterone Oil this time, which I've never done before. She said she'd teach R how to do it and then show him again a day or 2 before retrieval, so it would be fresh on his mind. She also was super positive. She said - You'll do the Progesterone Oil beginning the day after retrieval until you are about 6 weeks pregnant or more. Wow - the old clinic would have never said that. She just put a very positive spin on everything. The woman is a gem!

So - a few questions for my fellow IF sisters -

1. Have you ever done a protocol similar to this?
2. Have you used Gonal-F? I've only used Follistim or Menopur in the past.
3. Any weird things I can do to make this cycle better than the past ones? I'm taking Omega 3 Fish Oil and seeing a chiropractor/nutrionist.
4. Any advice on the Progesterone Oil? This seems pretty scary to have an IM shot...
5. I have a box of 21 - 100mg Endometrin vaginal inserts. Anyone need them? You can just post a comment with your email address or email me at tara-dot-smith-dot-adkisson at g-mail dot com.

Also, wanted to share a bible verse I found on a blog this week. I saved it and have been reading it and focusing on it a lot the past few days.

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bone. Proverbs 14:30

Love to you all!

**Correction - I have 2 boxes of the endometrin if you need them.***

Blah Thursday

Ugh - I am so BLAH today. I can't really describe it as depressed, but just not super excited either. I feel like I am not making any forward progress...although we are on the heels of IVF #3. Stupid Old RE emailed me today that I could pick up my records. Wow - I thought it took a week?! Amazing what 1 email can do. R goes in for his SA tomorrow. I go in for my protocol and trial transfer on Tuesday. We are making progress, I know it in my head. My heart just feels like we've wasted the past 3 months (including this cycle I am waiting to start). Maybe the best things really do come to those who wait...but my cynical heart isn't letting me believe that. I lie awake in bed at night worrying about what will we do if this one doesn't work. I've been reading blogs about fertilization rates of you out there - my sisters on this awful journey - and I am hoping I'll have such luck to actually have eggs to retrieve and have them fertilize to even put back. Oh, poor, poor, pitiful me. I just want to fast forward to the end of February and see if I am really going to live through this next month or not. A crystal ball would come in handy about right now, if you have one handy.

I hope I will have restored hope when my period actually starts in a couple weeks. I'm just so freaking scared that this cycle will be just as terrible as the last. I am even totally stressing about R's SA analysis - WTF? I've never had a seconds thought about them before.

Maybe tomorrow will be better - I can at least muster a little hope for that. I'm sorry for the self-consumed, depressing post. For sure, tomorrow is gonna be better...

The Angry Infertile in me is back...

Or, maybe I should say the extremely pissed off infertile is back. I had a similar encounter today with my old RE clinic as Polly had Monday. I like how she said it - "What kind of monkey shop are you running here??"

A little background:
We are finally nearing the end of un-medicated, pretending to be normal people and are within weeks of beginning our next, and third, IVF with our new RE - Dr. K. I called my new nurse today, sweet Rita, to make an appointment to discuss our protocol. Turns out, R needs a semen analysis with their lab, so Rita and I scheduled that appointment. Dr. K couldn't see me the same day, so my appointment is Tuesday (R's is Friday). Then, Rita tells me that my old RE has yet to send the remainder of my file to them and they haven't sent anything over on R. SERIOUSLY? I requested his 12/1 and mine weeks before that.

I hang up with Rita and call the old RE to leave a message - because they never answer the freaking phone. This chick calls me back (during my weekly team call and I have to put my manager on hold) and says, "We've sent your information 3 times now. You have to re-fax your medical release (don't worry - when I sent it over the first 3 times I put an expiration date of like 6.1.09 - but, noooo...they need it again). I argued with her, but basically gave in to get my boss off of hold. Whatever. So, I send it back after explaining to her that she would not need to send me my records for a 4th time if they'd just included everything the first time. 15 minutes later I get this email:

Good day Ms. R's wife,
As per our phone conversation a moment ago, I will need to have a new "Signed Medical Record Release Form" (see attachment) from you indicating "Infectious Disease" in order for us to provide that information again. Additionally may I suggest that you allow us to send your records to you directly so that you can copy and distribute as needed.
I am sorry that you appear to be dissatisfied with our process. Our records show that we provided your Medical Records as per your request on the following dates:
08/18/2008
10/29/2008
12/01/2008
Your request below would represent the 4th. time we would be requested to provide your records and your further request via phone earlier that this be provided immediately is unfortunately not possible. For your protection and in observance of HIPPA LAWS, we do not keep hard copies of patients medical records once a request has been satisfied. I will process your additional request once the completed attachment is returned to us at 770-WE-SUCK. Remember that our standard processing time is 5 business days.

Have a wonderful day.
Dumb Ass

NO. SHE. DIDN'T. My blood pressure must have been 800 over 500. "I am sorry that you appear to be dissatisfied with our process" - appear? Sweetheart, if you don't know I am dissatisfied (is that a word? or is it unsatisfied??) maybe you are the one who needs to see a doctor. She also copied her boss on the email, who was surprisingly out of the office today. Go figure. On a side note, I had called my old IVF nurse there twice by this time, asking for her help. It's 8:45 PM now, and she still hasn't called back. I find it hard to believe she was that busy. Anyway, my response:

Dumb and Dumber -

The release form I just faxed in today is for infectious diseases for both my husband and me.

I AM dissatisfied - with the entire practice. I started this infertility journey over 2 years ago and was referred to your practice with a glowing recommendation from my OB/GYN. From the beginning, my calls were always taken at your convenience and my questions were answered with as little detail as possible. In January of last year when I first visited {Insert Old RE here}, my diagnosis was viewed as "very easily solved". After a chemical pregnancy in March, I was given little comfort or information on what exactly was happening with my body. After 1 failed IVF attempt, I was told at 29 that the only way I would ever get pregnant was by donor egg. After that IVF, I basically had to tell my doctors what protocol I wanted to use and what route I wanted to take - try IVF again or go back to IUI. What had seemed at the outset a very "easy" problem to solve became a doom and gloom situation every time I spoke to someone at your office. From the first blood test results, every encounter I had with anyone on you staff was a negative experience.

While this is a job for you and you are around hormone enraged women every day on their life's quest to become a Mother, this is MY LIFE. My husband and I are trying to grow our family with very little success - something no one ever dreams would happen. I've wanted to be a mother from the day I was born and your practice has, in so many words, told me that I will never have a biological child of my own. As I try to move on with my life and away from your practice, I continue to have negative experiences. All I want is my ENTIRE medical information from your practice - including my husband's. An ENTIRE medical information pack would include items such as:

Infectious Diseases
Cystic Fibrosis Testing
Semen Analysis
Lab Log
Procedure Documentation
Any other records you have about me or my spouse - since I am not a medical professional - I may not know the medical jargon

While becoming a mother has been a struggle for me, THIS shouldn't be a struggle - to obtain my medical information that you have at your practice. I should not have to be a medically trained professional to request an entire medical information package from my experiences as your patient.

I have had to continue to request this information because you have either not provided it to Dr. K at my request or you did not provide my entire file to me when I requested it be sent to me. If you will just send me every ounce of information you have on me or my spouse, I can move on with my life and not ever have to deal with {Insert Old RE here} again.

Please send all information to me at 867-5309 **(don't you love my number??)** as I requested in my Medical Release Form fax today.

Thank you (I really wanted to close with Eat Shit - but, you know, in the kindest way possible),
Tara

Really people? You're protecting me by not giving me or my new RE the records we need to move forward? HIPPA can kiss my ass - I think my email requesting this information MULTIPLE times would pass an audit. Also infuriating is the fact that you basically have to be a friggin' doctor to request your "Entire Medical Record" by asking for specific things. People, I have an accounting degree. Give me some numbers - I am cool. Give me some bullshit Latin term that means something as universal as "Hello" and I am lost and I don't care about finding my way back. If its fucking rocket science to request your medical records, why not give your patients a list with items to check off that they may want on the medical release form? Is it not suffice to say - "Hey - I'm leaving your practice. You have wasted an entire year of my life and I have been miserable every single time I've had to see your face, speak your name, see your number on my caller ID or hear your latest string of bad news - please give me my medical file so I can take it to a doctor that might actually be able to get me pregnant."

Well, I feel better. I told you - SHE'S BAAAAAAAAACK.....

**Update - my old IVF nurse did actually call me back yesterday. I just didn't check my voicemail until midnight last night. I hate voicemail, so it's a wonder I even checked it then. So, maybe she doesn't suck quite as bad as I thought.

Who am I kidding? She's the one who said to me over the summer - "Well, at least you know you've tried everything possible." (This was before we tried IVF for the 2nd time. Really? 1 failed IVF lady? With no fertilization and no chance to even SEE if my body would accept some embys? Yep...she still sucks.

Yes, without a doubt....SHE'S BACK! Welcome home, ol' girl!!!

Show and Tell

I've been MIA lately, but I've been lurking. I'm glad we've all survived the Holidays and have moved into 2009 - which, I pray will be better.

Welcome to Show and Tell - (I haven't participated lately) - if you have never participated, pop over to Mel's to see what's going on.

In honor of the new year, and wanting to start this new year with a clean (or, maybe just cleaner...) slate, we've done a bit of redecorating. Hopefully, my ovaries will follow suit and pugh those good follicles to the front of the class!!! Unfortunately, I don't have any before pictures...but...here goes!

Mom and I made drapes for my breakfast area - R hung them today:

Before, we just had the blinds hanging. We found this fabric at Pottery Barn and my MIL bought me a few yards for Christmas. I love it!

Next, we got a new painting for our mantle. My sister's friend painted it - I love it! Here is the redecorated mantle:Before, the mantle was very traditional - mirror, clock, a few pictures. It was getting very dull to me and on my nerves! I was ready for a change!

What are you showing today?