Long time...no post

I keep meaning to post, but my energy and motivation levels are at an all time low. I basically do nothing. Such a sloth....I hope it will get better in the weeks to come.

So, I came out at work this week. I didn't do a email based announcement - just let it slip - I liked it better that way. My office is kind of weird and so, I don't like being the center of attention here.

I had my last appointment with Dr. K last week and totally cried. He is so wonderful and I'm so scared to move on. What if I have a question after hours? I'm sure I'll be fine. First appointment with my regular OB (Archie) is on Friday. Hoping I can sleep tonight!!!

Ever since I found out that our miracle was finally on its way, I've found out about so many others that are due around the same time. I kept getting worried- you know how they say like 1 in 3 women will m.is.ca.r...I can't finish that word. Anyway, I've been so scared it would be me. Not that I wish that on anyone. I just don't know if I could take it at this point. Cha.r.ter Peach.ford bound, I would be.

I found out yesterday who the 1 in 3 is...and I am so sad for her. She's been on my heart and mind ever since I heard things weren't looking so hot last week. Her sister told me and then let me know yesterday...and I would love to reach out to her, but I wasn't supposed to know. Rock. Hard place. And...it's not like I've ever had a D&C, so I don't really know...but Lord knows I know the heartache of a perpetually empty uterus.

It probably makes me the worst kind of person...but I really was so thankful it wasn't me. I know...start throwing the mean words my way.

I just can't let this little butter bean go. I don't know what I'd do.

I cry at everything - songs about kids growing up...the one that really gets me...Alan Jackson - Remember When. "Remember when...the sound of little feet wasn't music..." AH! Tears now. I hope that sound will always be music to my ears and that I never take it for granted.

So, please pray for my friend. I know that so many of you know in excruciating detail the heartache she is experiencing.

And, please don't hate me about being glad it wasn't me....

Still kickin'

Each day that passes, I feel like we are crossing a hurdle. I stopped the PIO injections last week and started the progesterone suppositories. One word...YUCK! The shots are way easier :)

Anyway, they said I would probably spot...well, hearing that and seeing it are two VERY DIFFERENT things. Sunday morning I woke up spotting and totally wigged out.

I went in today and the little peanut is growing strong. We heard the heartbeat, I felt bad, R couldn't get home from work in time to go, so my sister went with me. Poor guy, he missed it. It was pretty surreal.

So, now we have 5 pictures of our little peanut and we go back next Wednesday. I think after that appointment, they send me on my way. WHAT??? That kinda freaks me out!

I haven't been posting much just for lack of anything really thought provoking to say. Not to worry - I am keeping up with you and praying.