4 months old!

Molly is 4 months old! Click here if you are interested in hearing my gushing about my sweet little one!

Coming Back Out...

Dude...this password protected stuff is for the birds. This blog has been a great source of strength for me for a long time. If someone wants to read it and doesn't like it...well, I'm sorry. Freedom of speech and all...

In all honesty, this blog has a lot of very raw, very intense emotions splayed out for all the world to see. I wasn't always (ha! EVER!) very nice or compassionate or self-less, etc., when struggling through infertility. However, I hope that maybe there is someone out there that needs to know that she has a sisterhood out here...that there are people here that have lived through it...and are still breathing on the other end...where ever that "end" may be. I hope that my words can help someone feel less alone in their struggle.

With that said...I'm back :) And, I'm glad to be out of the closet (again!)!

1 year ago today

This morning (5AM) as I was nursing my sweet girl, I realized that a year ago today was our egg retrieval that resulted in our pregnancy with her. Today's June 1st is quite different from the June 1st of 2009. I am actually more emotional about it as we hit the 1 year mark of our conception and the long awaited 2 pink lines. What a difference a year can make...

A year ago my blog post read:

I have a funny feeling...and I think it's Hope creeping back in. I thought she'd long since abandoned me...given that I haven't seen a glimpse of her in what feels like months. But, I think she may be slowly trying to edge back into my life. I must admit, I would prefer to keep her at bay and protect my damaged-enough-already heart...

So far, we've had decent, dare I say good, fertilization reports. I'm starting to *hope* that we will maybe have 1 or 2 to freeze.Its been strange not talking incessantly about this cycle with my friends. However, its been a nice break for my heart. I've just been coasting through, kind of in denial that its even been happening. I sit here now, on pins and needles (and a heating pad), waiting for more news. *Hoping* that month 30 of this journey, in my 30th year, will bring us the miracle we've been hoping for all along.

My favorite moments with Molly are those like this morning...where we are together in the quite of the hours before dawn, just the 2 of us. My heart melts when she puts her tiny hand on my breast as she nurses. She'll sometimes look up at me - mouth full - and smile while nursing. It's those moments that make the journey through infertility seem so far away and ease the pain that consumed those years.

As we look to the future, I know we will go through difficult months again when we try to have another child. I pray that I can channel these moments with my Molly girl and realize it will all be worth it.

Wherever you are in your journey, I pray that you find the peace and happiness that Molly has brought to our hearts.