Yesterday morning, I was barely awake and felt this knock, knock, knock right below my belly button. And, I thought...is that gas? But then I felt it again. And then 2 more times after that.
Ol' girl was just saying good morning to her momma!!
So exciting!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
I've got that bitch on a short leash, but somedays she still bites...
Ever have one of those days? Ugh...I am having one today. I'll probably cry myself to sleep and feel better tomorrow. I am hoping I can just "blog it out" and fore go the crying...puffy eyes aren't so hot.
I've been reading some inspiring posts tonight. Some that really bring back the trauma of the years gone by. 26 months ago, I went to my DR (not Archie - another guy in his group, though...who I'm hoping is NOT on call on D-Day). I told him that something was wrong with me. That I'd been off the pill for 6 months and I wasn't ovulating and by-gawd, I wasn't pregnant. He told me that I was young and healthy. "Go home and have sex." Not kidding. I managed to keep the tears in until I got to my car. Seriously, I'm a little overly dramatic at times, but come on, dude. You didn't even prick my finger. How do you know I'm fine? Unfortunately, I took his word for it. I finally went back and saw Archie 3 months or so later. And the IF ride really began. I count the first year as part of our IF journey. It was during those first 12 months where I learned to listen to my body...and began crying each month with heartache and began the painful learning process that you must take your medical care into your own hands. Maybe I shouldn't count our IF journey until our first round of Clo.mid (aka - The Devil) that October of 2007. Whichever way you want to slice it...
We were so green. I was just sure the Devil would be our fix. I cried when I made that first RE consultation appointment.
Then, I was so full of hope and was JUST CERTAIN that IUI would do the trick.
March 2008 we learned that God-forsaken phrase - "Chemical Pregnancy." That term should be permanently removed from the English language. And, all other languages for that matter.
Not so green anymore. But, still, looking back...man, we were still really naive. We were so trusting. We believed every bit of smoke they blew our way.
I had a mini-breakdown when they told us that IVF would have to be the answer. Could they really be telling us that???
IVF #1 was disgusting. The DR flipped her skinny hand with that 3-karat diamond and said, "Well, ugh. We'll just have to discuss this at our meeting tomorrow and let you know if we will even bother continuing with this cycle." Nice, lady. Thanks for that vote of confidence.
Not so green...and not so trusting anymore. We started looking for other options...other REs. But, we were still so convinced that our will to get pregnant would be enough, that we continued with them until the new year when my insurance changed. This was about the time I started wondering who the stranger in the mirror was. I can pin-point August, 2008 as the deepest, darkest depression of my life. I finally gave in to it in September and reluctantly took the pills* they were offering. The pills were the BEST thing I ever got from that practice.
Reflecting on the past year...It breaks my heart again. But, man, what a long way we've come. The girl in the mirror is not the young, carefree, "the world is mine to conquer" chick that I saw when we tossed out the birth control on New Year's Eve 2006. Maybe deep down, a part of her still exists. The girl in the mirror now is much more mature (but, let's be honest - I have lightyears to go in this department), is sorry for (some of) the idiot things she did in her youth, is war-beaten and battle scarred from the trenches of IF. She is also eternally grateful for her family and for her where she is today. Infertility has so defined a part of my life, that I think I will be 97 and still have days like this one that sends me into emotional fits about this journey. I think it will still make my blood boil that the DR who told me I was fine didn't have a damn clue about me.
But, unlike the girl in the mirror last year...the new me has a hero. I'll never beat infertility, but, for the next 26 weeks and then the rest of my life, I'll look at my Butterbean and know I've got that bitch on a short leash (IF is the bitch in this sentence).**
*the pills I am referring to is the lowest dose of Zo.LoFt on the market and I am not taking them while pregnant. Nor, did I take them during my last IVF cycle which created Butterbean. I will take them post-partum if necessary. Please don't judge.
**I still cried tonight, but, I can smile through it now and dream of Butterbean, my hero.
I've been reading some inspiring posts tonight. Some that really bring back the trauma of the years gone by. 26 months ago, I went to my DR (not Archie - another guy in his group, though...who I'm hoping is NOT on call on D-Day). I told him that something was wrong with me. That I'd been off the pill for 6 months and I wasn't ovulating and by-gawd, I wasn't pregnant. He told me that I was young and healthy. "Go home and have sex." Not kidding. I managed to keep the tears in until I got to my car. Seriously, I'm a little overly dramatic at times, but come on, dude. You didn't even prick my finger. How do you know I'm fine? Unfortunately, I took his word for it. I finally went back and saw Archie 3 months or so later. And the IF ride really began. I count the first year as part of our IF journey. It was during those first 12 months where I learned to listen to my body...and began crying each month with heartache and began the painful learning process that you must take your medical care into your own hands. Maybe I shouldn't count our IF journey until our first round of Clo.mid (aka - The Devil) that October of 2007. Whichever way you want to slice it...
We were so green. I was just sure the Devil would be our fix. I cried when I made that first RE consultation appointment.
Then, I was so full of hope and was JUST CERTAIN that IUI would do the trick.
March 2008 we learned that God-forsaken phrase - "Chemical Pregnancy." That term should be permanently removed from the English language. And, all other languages for that matter.
Not so green anymore. But, still, looking back...man, we were still really naive. We were so trusting. We believed every bit of smoke they blew our way.
I had a mini-breakdown when they told us that IVF would have to be the answer. Could they really be telling us that???
IVF #1 was disgusting. The DR flipped her skinny hand with that 3-karat diamond and said, "Well, ugh. We'll just have to discuss this at our meeting tomorrow and let you know if we will even bother continuing with this cycle." Nice, lady. Thanks for that vote of confidence.
Not so green...and not so trusting anymore. We started looking for other options...other REs. But, we were still so convinced that our will to get pregnant would be enough, that we continued with them until the new year when my insurance changed. This was about the time I started wondering who the stranger in the mirror was. I can pin-point August, 2008 as the deepest, darkest depression of my life. I finally gave in to it in September and reluctantly took the pills* they were offering. The pills were the BEST thing I ever got from that practice.
Reflecting on the past year...It breaks my heart again. But, man, what a long way we've come. The girl in the mirror is not the young, carefree, "the world is mine to conquer" chick that I saw when we tossed out the birth control on New Year's Eve 2006. Maybe deep down, a part of her still exists. The girl in the mirror now is much more mature (but, let's be honest - I have lightyears to go in this department), is sorry for (some of) the idiot things she did in her youth, is war-beaten and battle scarred from the trenches of IF. She is also eternally grateful for her family and for her where she is today. Infertility has so defined a part of my life, that I think I will be 97 and still have days like this one that sends me into emotional fits about this journey. I think it will still make my blood boil that the DR who told me I was fine didn't have a damn clue about me.
But, unlike the girl in the mirror last year...the new me has a hero. I'll never beat infertility, but, for the next 26 weeks and then the rest of my life, I'll look at my Butterbean and know I've got that bitch on a short leash (IF is the bitch in this sentence).**
*the pills I am referring to is the lowest dose of Zo.LoFt on the market and I am not taking them while pregnant. Nor, did I take them during my last IVF cycle which created Butterbean. I will take them post-partum if necessary. Please don't judge.
**I still cried tonight, but, I can smile through it now and dream of Butterbean, my hero.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
For this child, we have prayed
And we will keep praying. We got a curve ball on Friday. We should be used to this, yes? Afterall, we've survived 3 years of infertility poking and prodding and seem to be stronger and better for it. When I say we, I mean R and me.
So, appointment with the Perinatal Consultant on Friday. Apparently, I have a bicornuate uterus? WHAT? 30 months of endless dildo cam's shoved up my nether regions...no one ever noticed? An HSG and a sonohystogram...no mention of it. So, we're high risk and will see another Dr. every 4 weeks along with Archie. My cervix is fine and Butterbean is measuring perfectly. I've read some information via Dr. Google, but have decided to nip that in the bud...after all, I'm not taking my Zo.LoFt and I just can't take it. I'm going to trust the good Lord and my wonderful Docs and we'll get this baby here safe and healthy if it's the last thing I do!!!
My mother in law once told me - "Tara, God got you this far...he'll get you through it." I think those are pretty wonderful words. I also love my good friend, Amy (who is in her 2ww on IVF #1 if you can give her some encouragement...), for ingraining this bible verse into my life, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE." Jeremiah 29:11.
I am thankful for the extra care we will receive through the next 26(+ or -) weeks and the extra looks we will get at Butterbean.
I am trying to stay positive about this whole uterus thing. Please feel free to smack me if/when I get self-absorbed with my little pity party. I couldn't help but feel even more inadequate with this news than IF has made me feel over the past years. Oh, and good ol' Dr. Google telling me I had a birth defect didn't help! I am, however, very grateful for this inadequate body and have to trust that it will survive this pregnancy and give us that healthy baby we have been praying for!
The good news from Friday and the best part of this post!!! We were able to get a peek at that hiney....and, we are having a little girl! We are thrilled to know and have made some decisions already on furniture for the nursery and furniture placement. (This is a big deal for us...we spent 3 years picking furniture for our master bedroom!). Now, we must start saving for the important things...like Feldman Brothers dresses and weddings - HAHAHA!!!
So, appointment with the Perinatal Consultant on Friday. Apparently, I have a bicornuate uterus? WHAT? 30 months of endless dildo cam's shoved up my nether regions...no one ever noticed? An HSG and a sonohystogram...no mention of it. So, we're high risk and will see another Dr. every 4 weeks along with Archie. My cervix is fine and Butterbean is measuring perfectly. I've read some information via Dr. Google, but have decided to nip that in the bud...after all, I'm not taking my Zo.LoFt and I just can't take it. I'm going to trust the good Lord and my wonderful Docs and we'll get this baby here safe and healthy if it's the last thing I do!!!
My mother in law once told me - "Tara, God got you this far...he'll get you through it." I think those are pretty wonderful words. I also love my good friend, Amy (who is in her 2ww on IVF #1 if you can give her some encouragement...), for ingraining this bible verse into my life, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE." Jeremiah 29:11.
I am thankful for the extra care we will receive through the next 26(+ or -) weeks and the extra looks we will get at Butterbean.
I am trying to stay positive about this whole uterus thing. Please feel free to smack me if/when I get self-absorbed with my little pity party. I couldn't help but feel even more inadequate with this news than IF has made me feel over the past years. Oh, and good ol' Dr. Google telling me I had a birth defect didn't help! I am, however, very grateful for this inadequate body and have to trust that it will survive this pregnancy and give us that healthy baby we have been praying for!
The good news from Friday and the best part of this post!!! We were able to get a peek at that hiney....and, we are having a little girl! We are thrilled to know and have made some decisions already on furniture for the nursery and furniture placement. (This is a big deal for us...we spent 3 years picking furniture for our master bedroom!). Now, we must start saving for the important things...like Feldman Brothers dresses and weddings - HAHAHA!!!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Maybe a post for another blog...but for now, I'm posting here!
Just about every night I've been thinking about writing this post. And, I've been thinking about maybe a blog for our family...maybe a blog that I will one day show the Butterbean. I think his/her eyes and ears should be spared the Divine Secrets until they are well into adulthood. Not the fact that I am infertile, I just want to spare them the heartache, anger, depression, and ultimately, joy that I've documented in these theoretical pages of my diary for the whole world to read. I've been thinking maybe this new blog will be titled "You, me and Butterbean make 3." Cheesey, but, I think I might call this child Butterbean at his/her wedding....
So, I want to document what all has happened these past 13 weeks and 3 days...and I need to do it before I forget the sweet details and it all goes to pot.
June 11th - morning - At home pregnancy test. Your Daddy was in the bathroom and I busted in - breathless - "DUDE! There are 2 lines!!! Can you see them???" "Uh..yeah - what does that mean?" (In my head...seriously, buddy? 30 months of infertility battles and you don't know how to read a pregnancy test???) "It means IT WORKED!!!" I immediately sent my Mom (Nanna) an instant message, Aunt Mandie called me about 30 seconds later screaming.
June 11th - nighttime - another at home pregnancy test - still positive and darker lines!!! I called to report to Mom and Mandie.
June 12th - our 5 year wedding anniversary and another positive pregnancy test!! We left for Hilton Head to spend the weekend with Daddy's parents and Uncle Jeff and Aunt Kelly.
June 13th - Your grandfather (nickname TBD...) opens his fathers day gift that says "Happy Father's and Grandfather's day" while we were at breakfast at Skillet's. He looked at us and said "Is this for real??" He shows the card to your Grandmother and she screamed and started crying. At this point...I think we got a little attention and the waitress came over to give her congratulations.
June 15th - I had my first morning sickness/pregnancy symptom when Daddy made crab legs for me...I may never eat seafood again, but, Baby, you are worth it!!!
June 16th - my first Beta with my Doctor-it was through the roof!!
June 18th - second beta -still super high - all wonderful news!!!
Date to be inserted - our first ultrasound - and we saw a STRONG beating heart!!!
Date TBI - 2nd ultrasound - Aunt Mandie and I HEARD your heartbeat!! Daddy was at work :(
Date TBI - 3rd u/s - Daddy got to hear your heartbeat and recorded it so we could listen to it later!!
July 3rd - I got really sick after dinner. We were at the lake with your Grandparents.
July 21st - I got sick again. For some reason, I feel sick, but never get sick until nighttime. It's OK, though, Butterbean...Momma always feels better.
Date TBI- 4th u/s - with our OB - Dr. Roberts -and we heard your heartbeat, 182 beats per minute. You are growing strong and we are so happy.
August 9th - I woke up HUNGRY! All signs of morning sickness seem to be gone at 11 weeks and 6 days. Mommy is very thankful, Butterbean.
August 10th - 5th u/s - you are as perfect as ever!!! You moved around for us!!! It was super cool to see you turn over!!
August 21st - We have our NT scan and our 2nd official appointment with Dr. Roberts. We will get to see you AND hear your heart. And, we are also hoping you will show us that hiney-mo so we can start getting your pink or blue things! We love you so much!
Other important items to note -
Nanna, Pop and Aunt Mandie were the first to give us a gift for you. They gave us 3 outfits that I know you will love to wear. Jessy gave you your 2nd present -some more outfits and a "lovie" that is so soft I really would like to sleep with it. Aunt Joyce and Uncle Bill brought you a present to E's birthday party - a super soft white baby blanket. I know we will get good use out of that on those cold February and March nights when you and I are whispering secrets in the dark while the rest of God's wonderful world is sleeping! Daddy and I saw my good friend Anita and her husband Chuck on vacation. They are so wonderful and we always see them in St. Augustine, I know you will have fun with them, too! Anita and Chuck gave you your very first stuffed animal!! It is a giraffe that plays music. I love it! They also gave you 2 UGA onesie's. We are going to raise you right...Go Dawgs!!!
As of today, I (well, buddy - let's be honest - YOU and I) have gained 3 pounds. Not too bad!!! I am wearing all maternity clothes, as you seem to make my stomach too large to wear my normal clothes! Today, August 19th, was the first time someone approached me and asked if I was expecting. You are busting on out there, buddy!!!
Your cousin, E, is really in love with you already (although, she's really hoping you are a girl...but, she'll love you if you are a boy, too!!!). Today (8/19) at lunch she kissed my tummy to give you some love and wanted to make sure that "the baby likes tacos..." (because we were eating at Chipotle - she asks this where ever we are eating - "Tata - does that baby like pizza? Does that baby like chips? it goes on :)). She is really excited about you and can't wait for Valentine's Day to get here so you will be here. She is already thinking of something special she can make for Valentine's Day so she can give it to you as soon as you arrive!!! I know that you two are going to have a wonderful time together and I can just tell that you will be very close friends (well, you are family, after all!).
I'll think of more and I will make updates....I just wanted to get this out there. I don't want to forget any of these fleeting moments that will too soon be a faded memory.
So, I want to document what all has happened these past 13 weeks and 3 days...and I need to do it before I forget the sweet details and it all goes to pot.
June 11th - morning - At home pregnancy test. Your Daddy was in the bathroom and I busted in - breathless - "DUDE! There are 2 lines!!! Can you see them???" "Uh..yeah - what does that mean?" (In my head...seriously, buddy? 30 months of infertility battles and you don't know how to read a pregnancy test???) "It means IT WORKED!!!" I immediately sent my Mom (Nanna) an instant message, Aunt Mandie called me about 30 seconds later screaming.
June 11th - nighttime - another at home pregnancy test - still positive and darker lines!!! I called to report to Mom and Mandie.
June 12th - our 5 year wedding anniversary and another positive pregnancy test!! We left for Hilton Head to spend the weekend with Daddy's parents and Uncle Jeff and Aunt Kelly.
June 13th - Your grandfather (nickname TBD...) opens his fathers day gift that says "Happy Father's and Grandfather's day" while we were at breakfast at Skillet's. He looked at us and said "Is this for real??" He shows the card to your Grandmother and she screamed and started crying. At this point...I think we got a little attention and the waitress came over to give her congratulations.
June 15th - I had my first morning sickness/pregnancy symptom when Daddy made crab legs for me...I may never eat seafood again, but, Baby, you are worth it!!!
June 16th - my first Beta with my Doctor-it was through the roof!!
June 18th - second beta -still super high - all wonderful news!!!
Date to be inserted - our first ultrasound - and we saw a STRONG beating heart!!!
Date TBI - 2nd ultrasound - Aunt Mandie and I HEARD your heartbeat!! Daddy was at work :(
Date TBI - 3rd u/s - Daddy got to hear your heartbeat and recorded it so we could listen to it later!!
July 3rd - I got really sick after dinner. We were at the lake with your Grandparents.
July 21st - I got sick again. For some reason, I feel sick, but never get sick until nighttime. It's OK, though, Butterbean...Momma always feels better.
Date TBI- 4th u/s - with our OB - Dr. Roberts -and we heard your heartbeat, 182 beats per minute. You are growing strong and we are so happy.
August 9th - I woke up HUNGRY! All signs of morning sickness seem to be gone at 11 weeks and 6 days. Mommy is very thankful, Butterbean.
August 10th - 5th u/s - you are as perfect as ever!!! You moved around for us!!! It was super cool to see you turn over!!
August 21st - We have our NT scan and our 2nd official appointment with Dr. Roberts. We will get to see you AND hear your heart. And, we are also hoping you will show us that hiney-mo so we can start getting your pink or blue things! We love you so much!
Other important items to note -
Nanna, Pop and Aunt Mandie were the first to give us a gift for you. They gave us 3 outfits that I know you will love to wear. Jessy gave you your 2nd present -some more outfits and a "lovie" that is so soft I really would like to sleep with it. Aunt Joyce and Uncle Bill brought you a present to E's birthday party - a super soft white baby blanket. I know we will get good use out of that on those cold February and March nights when you and I are whispering secrets in the dark while the rest of God's wonderful world is sleeping! Daddy and I saw my good friend Anita and her husband Chuck on vacation. They are so wonderful and we always see them in St. Augustine, I know you will have fun with them, too! Anita and Chuck gave you your very first stuffed animal!! It is a giraffe that plays music. I love it! They also gave you 2 UGA onesie's. We are going to raise you right...Go Dawgs!!!
As of today, I (well, buddy - let's be honest - YOU and I) have gained 3 pounds. Not too bad!!! I am wearing all maternity clothes, as you seem to make my stomach too large to wear my normal clothes! Today, August 19th, was the first time someone approached me and asked if I was expecting. You are busting on out there, buddy!!!
Your cousin, E, is really in love with you already (although, she's really hoping you are a girl...but, she'll love you if you are a boy, too!!!). Today (8/19) at lunch she kissed my tummy to give you some love and wanted to make sure that "the baby likes tacos..." (because we were eating at Chipotle - she asks this where ever we are eating - "Tata - does that baby like pizza? Does that baby like chips? it goes on :)). She is really excited about you and can't wait for Valentine's Day to get here so you will be here. She is already thinking of something special she can make for Valentine's Day so she can give it to you as soon as you arrive!!! I know that you two are going to have a wonderful time together and I can just tell that you will be very close friends (well, you are family, after all!).
I'll think of more and I will make updates....I just wanted to get this out there. I don't want to forget any of these fleeting moments that will too soon be a faded memory.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Yes, I'm still here...
I've been a terrible blogger recently. This is partly due to the fact that I feel guilty for blogging in the infertile community while pregnant, I'm lazy as all freaking get out, and that I'm looking for the new normal of what our life is to become.
While I will always bear the scars of this infertility battle, and already think of the future cycles I will likely insist we endure (I've never imagined life with just one butterbean), I feel sort of like a fraud on my blog lately. Sort of like...um...what's a good analogy here? I don't know. I just feel sort of misfit...insisting a square peg will fit into a round hole, if you will. One thing I will never be - flippant about my pregnancy. I will never look at a pregnant stomach and be anything but envious of the ease at which some become that way. I'll never forget the months on months of heart ache and the damage it caused to several relationships...or how R and I actually grew so much closer during that heartache. I will always be infertile.
We made trip #2 to my OB/GYN today, Archie. He is so freaking awesome. While at the beach last week, I had some dis-colored dis-charge. I was totally thinking emergency room and the nightmares of what might ensue. I called Archie's office and they paged him. He called me back within 15 MINUTES!!! OMG!! I thought I would never get that kind of service at the regular DR's office! He was wonderful - told me it was totally normal, but to call and he'd see me when we got home if I was still worried. So, of course, we saw him today. We heard that beautiful heartbeat and saw that beautiful little butterbean again. He laughed and told me that he knew I just wanted another u/s. Everything is fine. I believe him now...and I'm going to relax. I've gotta put my trust in him and in HIM and believe that we are going to welcome Butterbean into this world and our family in February.
We have a 13 week scan a week from Friday. This will tell us our risks for chromosomal abnormalities, which Archie says will be low given our age, and another look at the Butterbean. Maybe we will even get to find out the gender.
Butterbean, which I keep calling a He just for lack of knowing, is measuring 6 cm today at exactly 12 weeks. He didn't tell us the heart-rate, but was able to pick it up on the Doppler right away. Also, we had the external ultrasound. WHAT? No vaginal ultrasounds? OMG!!
I'm starting to show a little. The 15 pounds I've gained over the last 3 years probably is a factor, as I haven't gained any since getting PG. (According to the DR, I have gained 2 lbs - but I haven't gone over my heaviest weight recorded, so, I call it even...). I have been wearing maternity pants because my regular pants won't zip or button. My boobs - HUGE. Its on the agenda this week to get new bras. Only 1 of mine fits now and those girls are BUSTIN out of it. It's all very surreal. And, I'm loving it.
I've been following all of you...and keeping you in my prayers. Sorry for the slacker I've been at commenting. Sometimes, I'm just at a loss for words. It seems so redundant to say - I've been there. So, I just sit at my laptop and cry with you and pray. So, I've been absent physically, but you haven't been off my mind.
This post is kind of all over the place. That's how my brain works these days. Hope you could follow it a little!
While I will always bear the scars of this infertility battle, and already think of the future cycles I will likely insist we endure (I've never imagined life with just one butterbean), I feel sort of like a fraud on my blog lately. Sort of like...um...what's a good analogy here? I don't know. I just feel sort of misfit...insisting a square peg will fit into a round hole, if you will. One thing I will never be - flippant about my pregnancy. I will never look at a pregnant stomach and be anything but envious of the ease at which some become that way. I'll never forget the months on months of heart ache and the damage it caused to several relationships...or how R and I actually grew so much closer during that heartache. I will always be infertile.
We made trip #2 to my OB/GYN today, Archie. He is so freaking awesome. While at the beach last week, I had some dis-colored dis-charge. I was totally thinking emergency room and the nightmares of what might ensue. I called Archie's office and they paged him. He called me back within 15 MINUTES!!! OMG!! I thought I would never get that kind of service at the regular DR's office! He was wonderful - told me it was totally normal, but to call and he'd see me when we got home if I was still worried. So, of course, we saw him today. We heard that beautiful heartbeat and saw that beautiful little butterbean again. He laughed and told me that he knew I just wanted another u/s. Everything is fine. I believe him now...and I'm going to relax. I've gotta put my trust in him and in HIM and believe that we are going to welcome Butterbean into this world and our family in February.
We have a 13 week scan a week from Friday. This will tell us our risks for chromosomal abnormalities, which Archie says will be low given our age, and another look at the Butterbean. Maybe we will even get to find out the gender.
Butterbean, which I keep calling a He just for lack of knowing, is measuring 6 cm today at exactly 12 weeks. He didn't tell us the heart-rate, but was able to pick it up on the Doppler right away. Also, we had the external ultrasound. WHAT? No vaginal ultrasounds? OMG!!
I'm starting to show a little. The 15 pounds I've gained over the last 3 years probably is a factor, as I haven't gained any since getting PG. (According to the DR, I have gained 2 lbs - but I haven't gone over my heaviest weight recorded, so, I call it even...). I have been wearing maternity pants because my regular pants won't zip or button. My boobs - HUGE. Its on the agenda this week to get new bras. Only 1 of mine fits now and those girls are BUSTIN out of it. It's all very surreal. And, I'm loving it.
I've been following all of you...and keeping you in my prayers. Sorry for the slacker I've been at commenting. Sometimes, I'm just at a loss for words. It seems so redundant to say - I've been there. So, I just sit at my laptop and cry with you and pray. So, I've been absent physically, but you haven't been off my mind.
This post is kind of all over the place. That's how my brain works these days. Hope you could follow it a little!
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