It's Friday and I'm so glad!!! It's been a long week - busy, busy. Tomorrow I have my first shower...and I'm soooo excited!!! R and I finished painting stripes in Butterbean's room last night (below the chair rail that is yet to be put up :)). It looks super cute. We did pink on pink...just a super glossy on top of regular paint. I'm really excited about it.
I met Murgdan and Amy for dinner this week with a girl friend who isn't a blogger. She started her first IVF cycle this week...and I'm so excited for her. It's so weird...you do all this to get pregnant, and then, once you are - it's a LOT of waiting. Don't get me wrong...I'd much rather wait with a baby in utero than still be trying to get pregnant...but, it's hard to make the transition from daily/weekly (feeling like hourly) doctor appointments, shots, protocols, etc. to waiting 4 weeks in between appointments and having nothing really to do during that time. The time seems to be passing us by more quickly with each week of this pregnancy and it seems like I was just at the OB and we go again next week. Anyway, I was soooo thrilled that my friend could finally get on the roller coaster that is IVF. She's had several set backs with endometriosis and has been patiently just waiting for almost 6 months. I really hope she's a one hit wonder.
Bottoms Off had a post this week called the Colors of Infertility. It really resonated with me and I've been thinking about it for a few days. She says,"So I tested. And it was negative. And as I looked at the stark whiteness where a pink line should be I thought, "That would make an interesting paint color...'negative pregnancy test white.'"" That statement really took me back to some of our darkest days. The negative pregnancy test white is one of the most difficult images I've had to process time and time again.
Our struggles with IF consumed 30 months of our life...and now, at 25 weeks gestation, it feels like it all happened a lifetime ago. Some days, I feel like taking a pregnancy test again just to see that 2nd line. The positive pregnancy test pink lines, if a paint color, would be called 'most perfect pink' in my world.
I'm so overjoyed that the IF chapter of my life seems to be behind me, but I have already been planning what we will do for child #2. How far will I take it? Can I survive IVF with a child at home? Do I *want* to survive IVF again with a child at home? It seems this infertile can only look forward so far...because I even said the other night...maybe 1 child will be enough. Maybe I want to spare myself the heartache of negative pregnancy test white for the rest of my life.
Here is to hoping all of my IF sisters get a 'most perfect pink' sighting in the near future.
7 comments:
You'll have to post pictures of the baby's room - sounds darling. And I laughed at the "perfect pink" comment. So true. I'm thinking like you already, wondering if one will be enough or if I will be strong enough to do it all again. Guess I'll just enjoy this go round and let the future sort itself out. Have a great shower! Hope you get tons of fun stuff.
What a sweet post, and you are right, the negative pregnancy test is the ugliest white I've ever seen. And I've seen it A LOT!
Great to see you all. I don't like the what brought us all together, but I am happy to have found such beautiful people to share this all with...so excited for you...for all of us!
I always giggle at the names of white paint chips - but "negative white" is always a bummer.
The pink-on-pink sounds good though! And stripes, even - looks like the positive pink line is still working it's magic on you!
So happy for you! And if you decide to have Baby #2, I am sure that you will be able to handle doing it with a child at home. My son is 3 and I went through IVF to have baby #2, who is due in March. It wasn't easy, but my husband was very supportive and helped to make things a lot easier.
I want to see that babies room and pics from the shower soon! ;-)
Hope the shower went great, Tara. It sounds like you are plugging right along with everything.
The thought of negative pregnancy test white makes me want to make sure there is color on every wall of our house... That is just one ugly color.
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