I keep meaning to post, but my energy and motivation levels are at an all time low. I basically do nothing. Such a sloth....I hope it will get better in the weeks to come.
So, I came out at work this week. I didn't do a email based announcement - just let it slip - I liked it better that way. My office is kind of weird and so, I don't like being the center of attention here.
I had my last appointment with Dr. K last week and totally cried. He is so wonderful and I'm so scared to move on. What if I have a question after hours? I'm sure I'll be fine. First appointment with my regular OB (Archie) is on Friday. Hoping I can sleep tonight!!!
Ever since I found out that our miracle was finally on its way, I've found out about so many others that are due around the same time. I kept getting worried- you know how they say like 1 in 3 women will m.is.ca.r...I can't finish that word. Anyway, I've been so scared it would be me. Not that I wish that on anyone. I just don't know if I could take it at this point. Cha.r.ter Peach.ford bound, I would be.
I found out yesterday who the 1 in 3 is...and I am so sad for her. She's been on my heart and mind ever since I heard things weren't looking so hot last week. Her sister told me and then let me know yesterday...and I would love to reach out to her, but I wasn't supposed to know. Rock. Hard place. And...it's not like I've ever had a D&C, so I don't really know...but Lord knows I know the heartache of a perpetually empty uterus.
It probably makes me the worst kind of person...but I really was so thankful it wasn't me. I know...start throwing the mean words my way.
I just can't let this little butter bean go. I don't know what I'd do.
I cry at everything - songs about kids growing up...the one that really gets me...Alan Jackson - Remember When. "Remember when...the sound of little feet wasn't music..." AH! Tears now. I hope that sound will always be music to my ears and that I never take it for granted.
So, please pray for my friend. I know that so many of you know in excruciating detail the heartache she is experiencing.
And, please don't hate me about being glad it wasn't me....
13 comments:
Glad to hear things are going well for you. Tiredness is normal, no worries! You'll probably pick back up in a couple of weeks. Sorry about your friend. We'll keep her in our thoughts. Take care of yourself.
So happy to read a post from you - have been wondering how you've been and how the little "butter bean" is. Good luck tomorrow at the OB. And I love that song, too!
It's only natural that you did not want it to be you, but that never meant that you wanted it to be her instead. Having been where your friend is right now, I will keep her in my thoughts. In the mean time, try not to let anything come in the way of your celebrating the butter bean. Good luck with your OB and a big congrats again to you!
Sounds like things are moving right along, which is great. Finding out bad news - especially the kind that hits so close to home - just makes it seem all the more precious. Hang in there, and when she is ready to let you know I'm sure you will be a comfort to her.
Congrats on coming out! I too always think in odds...you think I would be a bookie or something. It is completely normal to be glad it wasn't you...that doesn't make you a bad person. It does pull on your heartstrings even more because you know the exact feeling. I think Dr. K probably thought it was sweet that you cried. I know if I have success I will totally cry when I leave Dr. T.
Keep me posted about today's visit. I'm sure there will be some stories to tell! :)
Good luck with your first OB appointment. :-D It must be SO weird to leave the RE. Kind of bittersweet. I hope you find out all good things at your first appt. :-D
I am so happy to hear that things are going well for you. I think it is totally natural to feel that way. I am sorry about your friend and I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers.
i echo shelby's words...and i'd like to encourage you to consider how you might thoughtfully and mindfully approach the reality of your pregnancy in the face of your friend's loss--especially as your pregnant belly begins to grow...this can be such a painful reminder in the midst of such raw loss.
i guess i'm extra sensitive about this b/c i lost my first while my friend whose pregnancy was just days apart from mine went on to deliver a healthy baby...such a painful time for me and she was exceedingly UNthoughtful re: what it must have been like for me, including keeping her pregnancy private until after mine ended and then announcing her pregnancy to me in a public place...she even had the nerve to say at one point, "i'd don't know if it was like this when you were pregnant, but..." it wasn't like i'd ever carried a baby to full term or anything...oh my. as you can see, i could go on forever, but i'll spare you...and i'm grateful you are thinking of your friend and her devastation in these days...i guess your friend's loss just touched a particularly tender place in me.
Hi from a fellow Atlantan! I just found your blog via another blog & can't tell you how happy I am you are PG - congrats! Not sure if you are comfortable sharing, but do you mind telling me which RE clinic you used? I am currently with RBA Assoc. & on my first IVF. :)
ugagirlforevermarch22@gmail.com or you can visit my blog. thanks!
I know what you mean about not wanting to be the center of attention at work. I also hate being the subject of gossip.
I understand your feeling. I'm sure you didn't want it to be your friend either. Best of luck with everything and keep us posted when you aren't feeling slovenly. ;) BTW, when is your due date?
Sorry had to be done you are nominated on my blog, I was afraid I would jinx myself if I didnt comply.
Awww, hun, it's not like you were wishing it to be her. You were just wishing for it to not be you. Hugs to you both. None of this is ever easy...
I hope your energy makes it back soon as I'd love to hear how your first OB appt. went.
So happy for you!
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