First, just a few updates on the home front...
- Just got back from the Dr today and everything is looking fine. Sweet little girl's heart rate is great and she was very active for the Dr.
- I've been having excessive itchiness...all over...head to toe...want to rip my skin off itchiness. He said this was pretty normal but did a blood test for Pupps just to be safe. I'm promising myself not to stress about it.
- I'm 33 weeks today, which means that in 2 weeks if I start contracting or anything they will not stop labor. WHAT? OMG...I have so much to do...better get motivated in the world of work so I can actually take maternity leave :)
- My back has been hurting so I've been visiting the chiropractor...I think the man is a genius...although, I could live without the questions on vaccinations, etc. But, hey, everyone has their own opinion, right?
- Baby girl's nursery is about complete - we need to get a couple of shelves to hang on the walls and the tub/toilet room of the bathroom still needs painting...but, for the most part, we're good to go :)
- OMG - could we really have this baby in 2 weeks? hahahahaha....It's crazy that this is finally, really happening!!!!
So, for the subject of the title to this post...
My "little" cousin, A, got married this past weekend. She's 4 years younger than me and we were very close growing up. The years have put distance between us, but, when we're together, it's like we have never missed a beat. She's sort of like a little sister to me...and I'm pretty protective of her. She was a beautiful bride and I cried like a fool when she walked down the isle. Weddings can be so emotional (even when you aren't pregnant!). It was a wonderful celebration of love and I truly believe she has married a man that will make her happy.
She is a product of her mom's first, very short lived, marriage. Her mom babysat me when A was a new born and I can remember her laying in the center of a king sized bed napping and she was soooo tiny! I loved being with her. When the marriage ended, my grandmother babysat A and her mom went back to work. She met a WONDERFUL man and married him...I have no idea of the time line...I was 4 when A was born :). Anyhow, the man her mom married has long since legally adopted her and has been her Father. He has been the man who was there when she broke her ankle at the neighbors, who taught her how to play basketball (which I never got since she's like 5ft2...), taught her how to drive and bought her a car, sent her off on her first date, consoled her first heartbreak, put her through college...and gave her away at her wedding. HE is her FATHER, her DAD.
A did invite her biological father to the wedding after severe pressure she received. She does not keep in touch with him, but does vaguely keep in touch with his mother. So, at the wedding, people kept saying - well, that's her real dad...
I don't know. It just bothered me. How insulting to her and to her Father. The man who is biologically her father was, in my mind, basically a sperm donor. That's all he ever gave her. 13 chromosomes. That's it. Her REAL Dad gave her life experiences, love, compassion, education, a relationship. That's what makes him her parent. The man who gave her life is not her parent and doesn't deserve to ever be called her "real dad". I was so insulted for her and her Dad when I heard people say that at the wedding.
Just because someone gave you life, does not make them your parent.
This post is not as eloquent as it sounded in my head...I just wanted to get it off my chest.
8 comments:
You really are so close now, Tara!
The people at your cousin's wedding would have irritated the crap out of me too. The word "real" should have been removed from the adoption world so long ago, yet people without experience or awareness just can't understand.
The end is in sight! Post pics of the nursery once it's done.
I am glad that you and the baby are doing well.
I totally agree...just because he donated sperm does not make him a father. I feel the same way about my father. He has not earned the right to be called dad.
You are absolutely right about the man who raised her being her father in her heart and in every other way that matters.
No sympathy for fathers (or mother) who disappear from their children's lives. The only thing I will say in his favor is that at least he showed up that day, knowing that he would be judged harshly by some people. He may never have shown up for her before, and may never again, but he did that once. If he hadn't, and despite your cousin inviting him out of pressure, it would have been like another slap in the face to her.
If you're still reading, I want to say how wonderful it is to read your post about your pregnancy and how soon you will have your little girl. Be well.
Lisa
Lisa - I'm always reading what you are writing :) That's a good perspective...one that I didn't see. Thank you for helping me see another side.
Thank you - I can't believe she'll be here so soon!
Take care -
Tara
I agree completely. I have a step mom who has been part of my life since i was 3 and even though I have a wonderful relationship with my biological mother aswell, i will always consider my step mom just as much a mother as her.
Best of luck with the baby
http://dfost.blogspot.com
Such a good point! And something I think of often as my husband and I are adopting. Biology doesn't great parents. . . love does. :-D
Wow, you are almost at the end! Time crawls and then it flies, huh?
I think it's always good to recognize that family isn't necessarily what you start out with - it's what you are together that creates that bond. It's too bad that the wedding had to be a place for that to come up - I hope your cousin didn't notice!
Post a Comment