I had a major breakthrough in my big monthly reporting package today that is going to make life much easier. Once I figured it out, I pretty much checked out. That's OK, right?
We have our protocol for the next cycle...everything will be over and done with by around June 15th. Its a weird protocol that even an old veteran like me has a hard time figuring out. We'll get started soon.
This is it, though. All in.
I'm hoping that by some miracle Grace of God we can freeze something. Well, I'm really banking on it working AND us being able to freeze.
We'll see. I'll probably really get my hopes up once we get started. For now, I'm just over being infertile. I'm ready to cash in and head to a remote island...work at a suntan lotion stand on the beach. Be a free spirited hippie - Me, R and our dogs.
The plan is to do this cycle under the radar. No daily estrogen levels and follicle count updates. Early appointments so there are no questions at work. No blogging about every emotion - too many people know about my blog for me to blog and still have a low key cycle. I'm hoping to avoid anyone calling me the day of my beta to ask about the results. I'm hoping to avoid the past repeating itself.
I labeled this post IVF #4. I never in my life dreamed what was in store for us in our effort to grow our family. Its been a heartbreaking chain of events over the past 2 and a half years that we will either get through and be stronger for or we will let it tear us apart. Luckily, for us, we are not letting IF win. No matter how this last cycle turns out, what joy or heart ache it brings, we are going to survive.
With my lack of blogging, I find I have so much to say. Maybe going underground wasn't the best idea.
Here are some updates that are basically jumping off my chest!!!:
- My friend over at a Few Good Sperm had a negative beta after IVF#1 yesterday. Please go give her some support.
- I'm having friends with 6 beautiful girls tonight, who also happen to be infertile. Most of us go to the same doctor. We are all less than 7 degrees separated.
- Mother's Day is soon and has really been on my mind. I am so truly blessed to have such a wonderful Mom.
- Several close friends are expecting...its had a strange effect on me. Not a bad effect, just a strange one. I'm trying to sort through those feelings.
- Work has actually been pretty good- I've been in the office more lately and am not hating it so much. Maybe it's been my attitude in the past about being here...maybe I'm just over spending so much energy dreading it here.
- I'm taking a cake decorating class in May...I am so nerdy...and SO EXCITED! Hopefully, I will have the motivation to show up to Show and Tell and share my creations :)
- We've been working in the yard and it's been really gratifying. My rhododendron were blooming this morning and it absolutely made my day. They are gorgeous.
Its nice to be back. I've missed you girls. Thanks for understanding my need for a break from it all!
11 comments:
Good to have you back! Looking forward to tonight! I understand wanting to stay under the radar but know that we'll still be pulling for you. I wish I was more under the radar in my office but it's hard to take so much time off work with out anyone noticing. Especially when you work in an office with only 3 other people.
Thanks for the awesome post that rings so true.
I am really hoping for a happy ending to your story.
I understand the desire for low key, but I so want to hear how everything is going.
Good Luck!!!
Ill gladly go with you to the island. I am so over being infertile too!
I completely understand the need to do your cycle under the radar. I feel the same way. I'm wishing you a ton of luck. :-D
Hmmm. I think rhododendrons can fix anything. They ARE beautiful. Had fun tonight...good to see you. Eat more Kobe beef. I'm sure that's the secret to pregnancy...???
Nice to see you again!
And I totally get the 'under the radar' approach. Can't say I blame you. I'd probably do it too.
So good luck this cycle, and may it be THE ONE.
I'll be watching. :)
xoxo
Here to support you!
Post whenever/whatever makes sense for YOU.
My white rhodies are blooming. The reds are trying to, and the purples will open up when the others have faded.
So great to see you...on here and IRL! I am glad to have met such wonderful people last night...thanks for coordinating.
Oh how I could have written your words about heading the remote island - I want to work at the beach bar! ;-)
Glad you're back - hope this cycle stays low key for you and is a sweet success!
Hi Tara,
Great update post. The yards sounds like it would be a sight to see.
I'm a physician and former faculty member at Harvard and Stanford Medical Schools. I discovered your blog while looking for the best health writers on the web. I reviewed your posts, and think your writing would be a great addition to the Pregnancy & Fertility Community on Wellsphere, a top 5 health website that has nearly 5 million visitors monthly. If you would like to learn more about how you can join our Health Blogger Network, republish your blog posts and be featured on the Wellsphere platform, just drop me an email at dr.rutledge@wellsphere.com.
Cheers,
Geoff
Good luck on your upcoming IVF! I hope this is the one for you.
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