I met with 4 other fellow infertiles last night. It was very fun! Its nice to have an IRL support group with people who are also in the trenches of this battle. It's free therapy!!
Please pray for my friend who is having her transfer (5 day!! You go girl!) today - this is her first IVF cycle - and, as we all know - it is sooooo overwhelming!
After my post yesterday, however gratifying it made me feel to say those things, it just annoyed me that I am that angry girl now. So, starting today (even though I couldn't face going into the office), I am going to try harder to be myself again.
I am really nervous/anxious about going to see Dr. K on Friday. This is our post IVF appointment with him, and at my last clinic, my post IVF was a bombardment of "your only hope is donor egg...talk to you sister, see if she would be willing to give you some eggs" heartbreak. I'm nervous he will pull the same stunt, and I just don't think there is any way to prepare my fragile heart for it if he does. On the flip side, I'm not sure if this ol' girl can take another negative beta after IVF.
So, instead of masking all of this pure terror with a really pissed off face, I'm just gonna face it the best I can. So, if I cry everyday, is that really a new thing for me? Not really. At least I can let go of the bitterness.
We will have a baby...come hell or high water...we will be parents.
8 comments:
Misery loves company. I can't blame you for not wanting to do another IVF cycle. There is only so much one can take. You will be a mother and have a baby. I feel your determination!
You go girl! The power of positive thinking! At least, that's what I try to tell myself...but it still hasn't worked yet lmao ;-) Take care!
Misery may love company...but we didn't seem so miserable last night!! :-) I felt more miserable when I was alone to tell you the truth. I can't wait till our April "meeting". :-)
Don't feel bad about being "angry girl". You can't be positive all the time. I really hope your post appointment goes well.
Fingers crossed for Friday's appointment.
I have to use donor eggs...I've never had any other option. I wish I had a sister, but atlas I have to go with a stranger. Luckily, I found out years and years ago, when I wasn't ready to have a child. I can't imaging finding out when I was ready. I've had the last 8 years or so to get "used" to it. Though I guess I never will really.
It's great that you have a network of woman to count on. I've just started the blogging & twitter thing, and am still pretty alone in all of this.
I wish you well. Thanks for sharing.
Oh hun (*hugs*)
You will be parents someday. You will.
Don't feel bad about being the angry girl. Work on it if you want to, but don't feel bad about it. We're all that angry girl from time to time.
I'm so sorry this cycle didn't work, Tara. I wish I had some words that could make this all better right now, but I am right in that anger phase too. I had no idea I could be so pissed off at everything. I know it will eventually pass, but I think it is normal and healthy to really just let ourselves "feel" it or it only gets buried for another day. Hang in there hun.
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