Friday night I officially started and this new cycle is really underway. I have an appointment Monday AM and will start follistim injections Monday night. If I am counting correctly, this will be the 20th time we've tried. Wit our RE, this is the 7th try - 5th IUI and 2 failed IVFs. I'm hoping for lucky number 5.
Other than that, it's been a pretty shitty weekend. We are college football fans - our team lost. They didn't even show up to the game. I had a pretty fun time at the tailgate until I found out that our friends are pregnant with #3. Apparently, everyone there knew and didn't want to tell me. I HATE THAT. Don't be scared to tell me. Yeah, I'm going to be super sad that it's not me - but it doesn't make it easy on our friendship if you act like I won't be able to handle it. R got so annoyed with me about it - and said I had to stop constantly focusing on IF. Its not that easy for me. Then I cried so hard talking to my mom that my eyes were swollen today. It just sucks. I hate being sad when someone tells me they are expecting. I hate that my life revolves around periods and REs and giving myself shots or pills. I hate that I am that bitter bitch that everyone tiptoes around hoping not to piss off. I hate it that when people tell me they are expecting, I immediately want to yell at God and ask why it can't be me, why they deserve it and we don't, why is it so hard for us. I think this is what they call depression.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry this is so hard. Your feelings mirror my own. On that note, I too hate that I have become so embittered and that other's happiness has somehow become a threat to my own. I think, what kind of person does that make me? But then I read other's stories and realize that while this is not a good way to react, it's unfortunately common. I really hope your own good news comes with this cycle and you can leave this world of REs behind.
Oh, I had a hard time getting through this post. I can relate to all your emotions 100%, and it kills me that other people have all these untamed emotions like I do. I'm so sorry.
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